Misadventures in Health Class
by Malicious Marshmallow
Summary: Phineas and Isabella are paired up in Health class for the latest assignment: taking care of a life-like baby doll for one whole week. Let's see how the rest of the gang fares with their own partners as hilarity and pseudo-parenting ensue!


**Salutations, fellow Phinatics. :3 This is my first 'published' Phineas and Ferb fanfiction. The idea came to me inexplicably while I was eating potato skins at Max n' Erma's, and I had to get it down before it, like most ideas, vacated my dusty brainspace. I absolutely loved the idea of putting the characters we all know and love through such hardship, and the possibilities of romance it offers. X3 3**

**So, in this, the gang is in their sophomore year of high school, so I'd gauge their ages around 16. Also, Mr. Vale is just a teacher I invented to be in charge of this class. He's not really that important. Oh, almost forgot the disclaimer. I don't own Phineas and Ferb, even though it would be great if I did. The credit of their creation goes to Dan Povenmire and Jeff Marsh and all the rest of those awesome people working on the show.**

**Enough of my rambling. Enjoy!**

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><p>It was a cloudy afternoon in the tri-state area, pockets of light rain falling here and there. Dull and dreary to most, but promising and full of opportunity to a pair of brothers in the city of Danville. They would exercise this opportunity were it not for confining walls of their high school.<p>

Phineas entered the classroom, Baljeet on his heels. The Indian boy was rambling about something their science teacher had said wrong, but Phineas wasn't listening. He always got spacey during the last hour of the school day, when he wanted nothing more than to sprint out the main entrance of the school and scurry home to tinker with whatever project he and Ferb were currently implementing. High school didn't allow for completing at least one big idea per day-more like one per week.

And it didn't help Phineas' attention problem that their last hour for this semester happened to be the most awkward class one could take in high school-Health Education. The teacher, Mr. Vale, wasn't too bad, though. He was young, and had a friendly air about him. To most students, he was more like a big brother than a teacher.

Phineas plopped down in his desk in the middle of the second row, dropping his backpack near his feet. More students filed into the room as he stared out the window, watching a robin sing his heart out for a mate. The two-minute bell rang, and noise died down from the hallway. Phineas retrieved his notebook from his bag, prepared to take notes on whatever sensitive subject they'd be exploring today. His brother finally arrived, along with a small, ignored following of girls.

"Usually you're here before Baljeet and I, Ferb. What took you?" Phineas laughed. Ferb pointed at the girls tailing him, and they quickly dispersed to their seats. Phineas snorted. "Wow, Ferb." he grinned as his brother took his seat. "Never knew you were such a ladies' man."

Ferb rolled his eyes. "Please."

At this the final bell rang, and the class proceeded to grow quiet, even though there was no sign of Mr. Vale. Phineas looked around to see if all his friends were present; Isabella waved at him from her seat. Buford just glared at him, and Irving, although not one of his closest friends, sat on the other end of the room, pouting.

Everyone's heads whipped around when the sound of the door-sans-jamb unintentionally slamming shut announced the teacher's arrival. Mr. Vale was pulling a large cart with a tarp thrown over the top. He left it near the door and made for his desk. He picked up a top hat from his desk, ambling around the side to the whiteboard. "Good afternoon, class." He said, shaking the hat gently. Rustling could be heard from the inside. Phineas stared at the cart, curiosity officially piqued.

"Good afternoon, Mr. Vale," came the usual, monotone reply. Well, monotone except from a lanky redhead near the front and a small Indian boy at the desk to his left.

"Can you guess what our next unit will be?" the man asked, tapping the rim of the hat and uncapping a dry-erase marker. "That's a rhetorical question, of course."

Nobody reacted.

He sighed and set the hat down to write in big, blue letters, 'Teen Pregnancy.' The class groaned collectively. Out of all the squeamish and awkward units in Health class, the ones preaching about abstinence and/or 'protection' and the horrors of teenage parenting were the most dreaded, since it was a co-ed class.

"Don't everybody jump out of their seats with joy at once," Mr. Vale rolled his eyes. "For this unit, you will all be given an electronic baby doll to take care of in partnerships. The baby cries, needs to be fed and changed, and even needs its head supported correctly. You'll get the doll today to get used to over the weekend, and throughout next week we'll be learning about the effects of drugs and alcohol on infants. The doll has a microchip in it that records whether or not you cared for it when it cried, and points will be deducted for each instance of neglect. Yes, I can monitor it. You'll have magnetic bracelets to go with your baby that you'll use to acknowledge its discomfort, and then you'll need to figure out what the doll needs to be calmed. Everybody understand?"

Everyone, including Phineas, was flabbergasted. A doll like that existed? Phineas thought that surely Buford was deciding to find the inventor and personally give him a wedgie.

"I'll call students up in alphabetical order to draw a name from this hat. Once all partners are chosen and you've all situated yourselves, the 'fathers' will all come up again to choose which chromosome they contribute to decide the gender of your baby." He crossed his arms then and gained a rare expression—his normally mellow features turned stringent and his voice became grim.

"Now, since this is a random drawing, there is a possibility of same-sex partnerships." His suddenly cold glare crossed all faces in the room. "Teasing will not be tolerated, period. If I hear anything of the sort, two weeks of in-house detention will be issued, and you will automatically fail the assignment. Which, I should mention, accounts for a good third of your final semester grade. And so, on that _cheery_ note," he retrieved the hat, retaining his frightening demeanor for a moment longer. "Let the parenting begin." he retrieved the attendance roster. "Gretchen Abbot," she went up and picked a name from the hat. It was Django Brown. The two were good enough friends, so they didn't mind. She returned to her seat, turning to talk to the boy. The next names were called.

Phineas rehashed the quick lecture in his head, as he always did before lessons. Ferb sat to his left and Baljeet to his right; Buford sat behind the 'nerd' and Isabella behind him. Two or three of the other Fireside Girls were in his class too. He determined that, while class projects were always awesome to do with Ferb, this one would be the slightest bit awkward if he drew his own brother's name from the hat. Mr. Vale's summons went through one ear and out the other as he contemplated.

His thoughts were interrupted as Buford went 'psst' behind him, prodding his arm. Phineas glanced over his shoulder to have a note shoved in his face. "It's from Girly," Buford muttered, jerking his thumb behind him where Isabella sat, talking with a friend in the desk next to her.

Phineas took the note, unfolding it on his desk. '_This is so weird.' _it read, Isabella's flowing cursive marking the page. _'I thought they only did this kind of thing in TV shows.'_ Phineas chuckled, looking back over his shoulder to smile at her. She glanced at him and shrugged, smirking.

"Who knew?" she mouthed.

He was about to send back a reply when he heard Ferb's name called. He watched his brother walk up to Mr. Vale, skirting around the boy who'd just drawn. So far, six partnerships had been made.

Ferb cleared his throat. "If it's all the same to you, sir, I'd like to go this alone." Ferb said, more stoic than usual. Mr. Vale looked at him questioningly and nodded, his gaze lingering on Ferb's eyes as if trying to detect a reason.

"I'll consider it." He finally said. "Come to me after class; I'll listen to your explanation."

When Ferb sat back down, the class broke into quiet murmurs until Mr. Vale called for silence, and then the next student. Phineas glanced at Ferb, whose eyes remained on the pencil he fiddled with in his hands.

"Miss Jessica Flint,"

Phineas moved his backpack so he could maneuver out of the seat after this girl sat down,-she chose Irving, much to her thinly veiled distaste-resisting the sudden urge to glance at Isabella again.

He made his way up to the hat, glaring at the expertly folded papers with a scrutinizing gaze before plucking out one right on top of the remaining ones. He unfolded it carefully, seeing the words he subconsciously hoped for.

"Isabella," he told Mr. Vale, who proceeded to cross out her name on the roster.

"How perfect," the teacher genuinely smiled, taking the paper with a ridiculous grin. Phineas retreated, oblivious to the next slew of mutterings that had begun. Behind him he heard a couple of happy squeals. Ferb raised an eyebrow at him, and Phineas blinked.

"What?"

His stepbrother shook his head, chuckling.

oOo

Mr. Vale had instructed everyone to move and sit next to their partners. Baljeet had unfortunately drawn Buford's name, even after taking the hat and shuffling it madly. Buford was, needless to say, somewhat enraged despite being friends with him. Baljeet claimed it was because the football player was hoping to have the chance to draw the name of the girl he had a crush on-who he wouldn't reveal because Buford had sworn him to secrecy. The embarrassment was somewhat subdued though, since three other partnerships comprised of either both girls or both boys.

"Okay, if it's a boy, let's name it John." Phineas said, grinning. "John Doe." When he'd asked Ferb what he'd name the child, everyone decided to name their babies. A great tension/awkwardness diffuser, a mutual feeling of ridiculousness spread throughout the room. Isabella sputtered with laughter.

"Alright. And if it's a girl, how about Jane?" she put a hand over her mouth, trying to stifle another bout of laughs. Before, Ferb had suggested Alphonse, Bartholomew, and Hymie Silverman; Phineas offered, in the spirit of making fun of celebrities, Orange, Mandolin, and Plank. Isabella had simply supplied Steve, Elizabeth, and Simon.

The class was allowed to converse for a few minutes while Mr. Vale retrieved the cart from the door and moved it in front of his desk. It caught Phineas' eye once again, distracting him from talking with Isabella about the start of the baseball season. Isabella noticed, and laughed. "You _were_ always fascinated by concealed objects." she said. Phineas nodded.

"It adds suspense," he explained. "And it's funny when the tarp takes on a shape completely unrelated to the object beneath." The two recalled the Sun-Beater 3000, calling Ferb into the conversation. They reminisced about their circumnavigating the globe and all the places they visited. Baljeet reminded them about his uncle Sabu, and the topic moved off into how his business was faring and eventually into stories and sightings of Klimpaloon, the magical old-timey bathing suit. There were fifteen minutes left in the hour, so Mr. Vale asked for the class' attention.

"Alrighty, class, time to decide the gender of your dolls. I'd like the 'father' of each partnership to get in line here along the wall. You'll pick from yet another hat an X or Y chromosome and I'll give you your doll and bracelets. Once back in your seat, work out which partner will take the baby home this weekend and what to do during the week." he removed the tarp off the cart to reveal at least a dozen baby dolls, each in their own carrier.

Phineas, this time, did glance at Isabella before getting up to join the other 'fathers.' He waited patiently as chromosomes were picked and babies were handed out. The whole situation felt oddly normal compared the adventures they had during school breaks. Buford was one ahead of him in line, and Ferb was behind him. It was then that he realized it was Friday-they had a whole weekend ahead of them to do as they pleased. He would share his latest ideas with Ferb and they'd finish their last one before heading over to Blueprint H-

_Wait._ Phineas' train of thought halted so quickly it nearly derailed. _Duh, baby assignment._ He sighed, thinking maybe this assignment wouldn't be as simple as he thought. _I guess we won't be able to to much considering we'll have to watch these crazy awesome robot babies. _Buford walked back to his desk with a doll in a blue onesie, tossing one of the bracelets at Baljeet.

"Your turn, Phineas." Mr. Vale shook the new hat, beckoning him forward. Phineas glanced back at Ferb and shrugged.

"Here goes," the redhead dipped his hand into the fedora.

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><p><strong>...I'm looking at this chapter and I'm realizing how much I hate it. And to think I was so confident going into it. I swear I can write better than this! Is anyone maybe availablewilling to beta? Also, I apologize for the long-winded description of the baby and anything else. They're based off of 'RealCare Babies' or, as they used to be known, 'Baby Think it Over'. I've never dealt with this kind of assignment in school, so I'm making it up as I go along. Please bear with me. 3 And the characterization will be much better, I promise. I'm just too lazy to fix it in this chapter.**

**OH! Also, what gender baby do you guys think Phineas should gete? X for girl, Y for boy. I wanted the reviewers to decide.**


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